The rain outside is beating against my window panes, and somehow it has become a catalyst to sit and write. I wasn’t going to. I have been up all day. I’m tired. There is nothing musically happening tonight, and the work needing to be done wasn’t an inspiration. Just the rain. Falling. It made me feel special.
So with a cup of hot chocolate that my wife was kind enough to make, I will sit for a bit and enjoy these stray thoughts. I don’t want you to think I’m slipping. Although I am. I am slipping into my self.
The work continues to renew myself, my art, and my creative pursuits. There are times when I feel that life is unfair, only to realize that things happen to make me stronger. And if this is the case, I must be superman by now… But no… No X-Ray vision yet. All I have is Anything Box. Which is more than fine for me at this moment. I love it. It’s just that looking back on this year has made me realize that we did fewer shows, and that is a drag. Would have been nice to go back to Ecuador, Peru, visit Alaska, New Zealand… Somewhere. And we didn’t. I feel helpless about it.
Sometimes I feel rather alone in wanting this, which is a bit of a downer. I am at odds with myself over this all the time. And yet I remain myself. That is the little miracle of life that I must hold onto. To another person, this is nothing. To sit near a window and write is nothing. To hear the rain is nothing. To be alone within creativity is nothing. But it is. It is something.
Creativity is what made all of this planet happen, what the oceans and the fauna surrounding them express every day. Creativity is the beauty of the universe as she smiles down on me and sparkles with the life of other worlds. Whether imagined or real is irrelevant to me. What matters is the feeling it produces within me. To create is a gift I was given, and damn if I will ever let anything stop it from flowing out of me. Not going to happen.
Life in the suburbs is ok on some level. Random thoughts on a rainy night. I am going to dream about the creation of universes tonight. At least, it is a dream I did have once, and I would very much like to see this again.